“The World Vs. My Cold Shoulder”

All of sudden people don’t recall

Pretending they remember nothing at all

Smiles? No, they’d rather forget.

Splendor? No, they’d rather regret.

They pretend not to regret, disguise it as pain

Counting down the days they last spoke up your name.

I didn’t wake up with a shoulder cold

I’m an older soul, so I suppose I know

I observe the “out of sight out of mind” like “I told you so”.

I’m an open wound, the hole unsewn

As vulnerable as I’ve ever shown

Makes me uneasy in a world where false security’s the cornerstone.

I’d rather be forgotten than remembered for the pain involved

I’d rather have 3 friends, than to have thousands of fakes involved

You memory is raw, over time will have my face dissolved 

Replaced someone you’ll give praise, and spit when my names recalled…
Let me break from this real quick and make something abundantly clear: I am currently on a journey to reclaim what was lost. There is so much going on that I need to empty myself of all that I did to damage my self perception. I just wanna grow from this.

“Me…Currently Speaking”

I want to take a break from the rhythmic stuff I usually write and just empty myself of everything I’m thinking and feeling because to write anything else would feel forced and manufactured:
I have taken myself off social media for close to two weeks and I have come to a realization: I bought into the hype. I bought into the “attaboys” and praise from people who really don’t even know me nor do they have daily dealings with me. I know that I bought into it because now that I have taken myself off of it, I have never felt more alone. My connection to the people directly around me seemed to take a back seat to the fanfare of the social media space, leaving me with a slightly empty feeling.
In addition to that, all of those “hoorays” & “well wishes” seemed to be all pomp & circumstance because I haven’t heard hide nor hair from any of them. Which has left me with a slightly bitter feeling which I am certain will pass once I regain proper perspective on myself which I seemed to have lost. I pretended to understand what is great about me but I feel that it was only propped up and supported by the voices outside of my head instead of the One Voice within it.
Empty. Lonely. Confused. Hurt. These are only a few words that describe my inner climate right now. I miss when people were genuine. I don’t get that feel anymore now that I have had an opportunity to step back and observe panoramically. It’s hard to determine whether the “love” I was getting was genuine or if it was “Facebook Fodder”…I know there are a select few who love me but I’m talking about the overall noise; I’m actually disappointed in myself that o fell into the “new way” of valuing myself. I always said that someone’s value shouldn’t be based on “likes” & “mentions” but as I began to depend on social media more for my business growth, I feel as though I lost identity with my real self and started living my social media self…
Realistically, I miss my family. My blood family. People use the words “friend”, “love” & “family” too loosely these days. In addition to that, I feel like I got caught up in always trying to say the right thing, instead of saying what I may actually be feeling; which also was one of the main contributors in my losing touch with the REAL me. This isn’t to say that the words I spoke weren’t true BUT there were times where I would have much rather spoke at length on a social issue that needed to be spoken on intelligently, rather than just throwing some “feel good” words on Facebook…I can’t lie, I actually have grown to hate Facebook for that reason. Twitter is far more my kind of space…
I think I’m satisfied with what I have emptied myself of now…if need be I will express more at some other time.

“There Is No Next Time…”

“There Is No Next Time…”
Have you ever witnessed…

Something that defied laws beyond nature & physics?

Baffled all the magic & the mystery of mystics?

Puts to shame every sonnet & romanticized lyrics?

The brightest star in the stratosphere with an awe inspired glisten?

Once in a lifetime, you eye will only catch a glimpse of?

Jaw dropping, chill bumps, things you can’t make sense of?

Having your breath stolen

heart beat taken a hold of

Mind aglow with gold dust

Something you can’t get control of?

Knowing once you see it, that’s the only time that you know of

That you’ll ever see it, and you feel it deep within your souls love?

Let me break from that and explain what I take from that

Real emotions that can’t be replicated once embracing that.

Come face to face with that, nothing more than change from that

In fact, once beheld, it’s now difficult to turn your face from that.

Unexplainable in nature, know not from whence it came and back

You followed it, but lost its tracks, but saw its glow, how you located that…
Listen…not everyone will vibe

With what they never felt inside

But with all that aside

I lived it, witnessed it with eyes

Sight, light, luminous bright…
You’d have to see it to believe it…

“Alone…”

I woke up this morning, never feeling more isolated

It didn’t make me bitter, but it does feel like a light has faded

I’m sure I’ll adjust, it’s a must, in my circumstance

I’ve been here before, so it ain’t much to go through again.

Reprogram. It’s how I explain what I experience

In my silence I can hear it all

I have nothing to fear at all

But tell that to my heart and other faculties I feel involved

I’m on an island, I don’t feel at all, especially how my sphere revolves.

Understood misunderstandings, now I let nobody near at all

You can look but you can’t see at all, keep your words you should speak at all.

There’s nothing to be said because I seen it all, I careen, I fall

I scream in bitter silence, I can’t stand to make a scene at all.

I dealt myself this hand…

Forget it…

It’s not even worth rehash again…

“Me…Hidden & Exposed”

Every vestige of pride on which I had a tight hold

Has fallen off my shoulder, I’m left disrobed & exposed.

Emotions laid bare, for world to decode

My iron armor, once (strong), now with chinks starts to erode.

But what about me do you know?

What tears have I shown?

What weakness have I shared, that I haven’t lived alone?

Very few have seen my thoughts that run deep as marrow bone

But so many for opinions on a life that’s not their own.

Have you loved or been loved in a manner unspeakable?

I mean literally received love that many would find unbelievable?

Have you set a bar high to what seemed nigh unreachable?

Only to surpass those you were once seen as unequal to?

I have…my life…I write to make it readable

Otherwise most of you would no idea who you are speaking to.

I’m the descendent of kings, literal, what that means to you is minimal

But for me, that runs contrary to most of the words you listen to.

There isn’t one box that this author ever fit into

Rescued by a miracle, alive in the spiritual.

All the while humbled, because in my eyes I’ve done the minimal 

Plus you could stare me in the face and still disallow to let my image through 

“…That Which Is…Ode” (A Play On Words)

“…That Which Is…Ode” (Play On Words)
You awakened me to the Great in me…

Extinguished the self hate in me

You luminous face stokes the flame in me

From “hello” I knew nothing would be the same in me…

Need is strong word

And even stronger feeling to express & experience

But that perfectly describes what developed as we lived in it.

The fear of the forgotten is as lonesome as a deathbed

People see you perishing, but little can be said

To offer comfort as your life goes from one stage to the next

Moving on an uncertainty about what lies ahead.

But all of this seemed as a myth

When everything was as we wished

When everything was as we had lived it was the opposite of this.

When just longed to live, now we seemed sentenced to exist

Well maybe not you, but me for certain as it is.

I owe you…and ode to every heart ache that you go through

When the pain upon your face seems foreign to those who know you

When the door closes and the one who had such a splendid love to show you

Now has naught but memories of what was lost left to flow through.

Life being peculiar now, a head where you had placed a crown

Has been removed an set aside feeling undeserving now.

You kept its shine protected, when I wore it I was proud

But now a cloud resides high, where the sun used to be found.

Sadness is a luxury for some

But not for one

It’s unafforded to the one who has returned to where he’s from

To make assured to those he left that the life behind is done…
Still think the pain you feel within is understood by none?

“…And Then It Wasn’t…”

“…And Then It Wasn’t…”
It’s nobodies fault really.

The reality was real to me.

The fantasy felt twice as real to me.

But what was lived was…

Nothing like either.

It was unique to say the least.

Something nobody believed,

But everyone wanted to see.

It was an enviable love,

Better than any man & woman ever was

Then one day is wasn’t.

It ceased to exist

Anticlimactic end that ceased to make sense.

How can something that felt and seemed like it was meant

And written in cement 

Come crashing to an end?

I mean we both know “how” but unsure which variable it would depend.

Nobody predicted we’d go from “best friends” to “remember when”.

I know eventually the bitterness will enter in,

Then it’ll go from “I Understand”

To expletives about “this man”…

Furthermore…

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

Even the circumstances differ the feeling still remains as raw.

And I’m sure This Is My Exit

But before I hit the door…

Let say this…

It was a real as anything, anyone has felt before.

“She Rose From The Embers…”

One night, in solitude I sat, eyes fixed upon the flames,

My eyes weary from the day, amongst the dimming of the blaze.

As my eye lids found themselves a burden to sustain,

From middle of the heat of the hearth, I heard my name.

I thought surely, it was purely of exhaustion this had came,

At least that how I reasoned this occurance in my brain.

But once again, now not a whisper, but a subtle soft proclaim,

Was my name, and in that instant, nothing ever was the same.

She rose from the embers, my temperature began to climb,

But not from fear, or for angst, but from he luminescent shine.

As she drew closer, her gaze ablaze had entered through my mind,

Penetrating past my eyes, and all she wanted was my time.

She made no requests, but inquired of my heart,

But she asked as if the answers weren’t hers that she’d empart.

She knew it all before I spoke, like revealing light from out the dark,

She continued speaking peace and a belief that left a mark.

She arose from out the embers, I asked her if she’d ever go,

We’d meet as months turned into years, as she left my heart aglow.

She said the only way she’d leave is if I told her so,

I could never conceive of her being someone that I’d forgo.

And I never told a soul, as if anyone would would find it true,

The Empress Of The Embers, we shared a love between us two.

A love unlike any affinity we ever knew

Forever seeming like and eyes blink, beyond control our love it grew.

One day…it all changed…

We never saw it coming…

She said she had in nightmares…

I asked her not to speak of it…

Then one day she came to meet…only to find a different face before her…

A unfamiliar face…so to the embers she returned…

But I was the one burned…

Forever.

“Still A Diamond In The Mean Time”

It’s a shame that those who lack sight can still observe

What those with full vision are missing from what you’re worth

From the beginning, you knew you brought something different to this earth

Never let that feeling diminish, keep giving more than deserved.

It’s their loss, if mediocre’s the taste they become accustomed

But your thoughts present conundrum for those stuck in the hum drums

Doldrums of life have been know to overcome some

But you cast a light from which nobody should run from.

Don’t let your head hang and shoulders slump forward

Even though your heart hurts, as the pain it absorbs it

You wiped that tear just in time thinking that nobody saw it

But it fell heavy on my heart, like a planet out of orbit.

You can’t make people see, what they’re untrained to behold

Because only a skilled jeweler, can know the clarity of a stone

And only a skilled jeweler can set that stone where it belongs

And it belongs setting where it’s glittered nuances are shown.

But My Love you’re not alone, though you’re a gem solitary

One of one, too unique to be a one of many

With the whispers that you speak to my heart, that cause a frenzy

Are the same whispers that calms the storm that dwells within me.

Emotions Unspoken

Sometimes it’s the moments we fail to say what we should that provide us the most clarity

Like when I should’ve said “marry me”

Or the times when sharing my inner most would embarrass me

I was phony

So in this case imitation isn’t a flattery.

Walking around in this facade, mentally I was tragic scene

Half living, what a travesty,

Actually, if was half the man I was then

I’d still be less than I am now seeing as how I’ve learned to adapt me…

I know, past the disguise in my eyes, you see I’m hardly here

Words unspoken, ears open are those I hardly hear

The king in my posture is waning my dear, I’m hardly heir

Foresight is fading, and what I’m breathing is hardly air

My suffocation is shared, although physical pain’s mine, she can feel it from there

And I have emotion to spare, though at times it’s like a spear;

Better left in so the wound doesn’t appear

But to remove it, lose fluid, but at least there’s hope for repair

Quandary abounds, more confusion found than despair.

But it’s been said love is ever victorious 

So in my darkest I wake to you, Good morning Loveliest

Promise on everything above me its

Nearly impossible for me to keep my love from this.

Onlookers ask “what is this”

Nevermind what it is

Just know they never seen an intensity such as this.

As much as lies within me

Until my days claim and end me

The thought of you not being mine inherits envy.

My heart holds plenty

Minus you 

In that quiet room

Within it feels empty

To put it quite simply

I’ve never needed any

But without you, I’m 99¢ short of a penny…

That means severely lacking

I can’t explain how it happened…

But those chosen, get to experience my emotions unspoken.